Losing a Loved One

 Losing a Loved One

It can be hard when you lose someone who meant the world to you. Whether it’s a grandparent, parent, partner, child or grandchild, it doesn’t matter how much time you spend with the person, the bond of love means that you feel this gut wrenching feeling of grief.

WHY?

You feel like your own life is going to end. You want to scream and shout “WHY”. You want to just scream at everyone who offers comforting words to “go away and leave me alone”. Yet you feel that no one really understands. 
 

MY EXPERIENCE

We have all felt like this when we have lost someone. I lost my grandmother in April 2012. She was my world, she was not just my Nan; she was also my best friend, my confidant and the one person in the whole world who could make things all right. I was her carer for the last 13 years of her life and there were times where my mum felt pushed out because of the bond between us.

It broke my heart when she passed away; I felt pain like I had never felt before. I thought it was bad when my Grandad passed but this was awful. I couldn’t function properly, just going to the shops made me burst into tears. I was a wreck.

I went through every emotion I could go through. I even had a panic attack when in a shopping centre in town. My blood pressure went berserk. My psychic ability was blocked temporarily while I grieved. I ended up seeking the help from my Doctor, he put me on antidepressants for a year. It did help but after a few months of being on them I wanted to stop as I felt I did not need them any more. Doctor persuaded me to stay on them for the full 12 months. So I did, then just on the 12 month mark I became ill and doctor took me off the anti depressants because they would have affected the treatment for the illness I had.

YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS BUT NOT YOUR FAMILY

Then you have the problems caused by other members of family. Silly things like petty jealousy, caused by selfish thoughts which are also caused by grief. They want to hit out just like you so a mini war breaks out within the families concerned. This doesn’t help your own grieving process. If anything it makes you feel more isolated and hurt.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

What we tend to block out is the fact that we are not alone in how we feel. There are others who are going through or have gone through the same thing. There’s always someone ready to listen, to understand. Also, those neighbours, friends and family who say what we feel are insensitive remarks; don’t really mean to hurt, but to comfort.

I know just after my Nan passed, someone said, “91? Well she had a good innings.” Inside I was screaming back, “STOP! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS” as in my eyes even if she had lived until she was 191 it still wouldn’t have been a ‘good innings’. I dislike that saying so much as it just dismisses her life and compares it to a cricket match. Yet on the outside I remained calm and nodded. Not because I felt calm inside but because I felt numb.

These are all natural stages of the grieving process and everyone goes through it. Even when they do not look like they are grieving, some bury it deeply so as to either not put their feelings onto others or just because they are in denial.

The numbness will ease off slowly and then the pain will start to seep in again. But this time it will be easier for you to handle. Just remember that there are many groups out there to help you. Your GP surgery can help too. 

Love and light