LIVING WITH GRIEF
Everyone has lost someone special in their lives at some point. Whether it is through someone close dying or someone you love moving on with their lives and leaving you. The feelings that come are caused by grief.
So what is grief?
Grief is many emotions rolled into one. Anger, hurt, sadness, guilt, jealousy and the list goes on.
Death can hit us at any time. Whether it is a family member or a friend. They pass away through an accident or an illness. It can happen suddenly or over a length of time which you see them suffering and our grieving process starts then as we see them slipping away. We become frustrated because there is nothing we can do for them. We want their suffering to end but we do not want them to leave us. We have all experienced it at some point in our lives. It is such a painful time for all concerned. Then suddenly they are gone and their suffering has ended. In a way you feel relief that they are no longer suffering then you feel guilty for feeling that way.
Accident
When it is through a sudden accident or passing. We hit out at those involved with the accident. Looking for answers as to Why?. Even in the situation where suicide occurs. We question why did they do it? We question everything. Looking for answers, looking for justice. We only have to look at the families of those who lost their lives at Hillsborough in April 1989. Questions asked then are only just being answered. Justice has yet to be seen. The families grieving has continued because of the lies and conspiracy surrounding the tragic event that led to the deaths of 96 Liverpool FC fans.
Illness
When our loved ones pass away through illness, we go through the feelings of sadness which can lead to depression. We also become angry with the person who has left us or with the medical profession for not doing enough/ giving up on our family member or even with 'God' for taking them away from us. This is because we feel pain and hurt so we hit out at those who we feel has caused this hurt. Then we feel guilty for saying things and behaving in this way and we look back and think, 'I should have done more for her/him/them.' We look around at everyone around us and only see that they are happy, they still have their loved ones with them so you feel jealous a little. Then we go back to feeling sad and hurt, anger and guilt. It is like we are going around in circles which makes us feel more depressed and we can no longer see us ever being happy again.
Divorce/ Split from partner
When someone we love leaves us and moves on with their lives we feel the same emotions but because the person is still living we do not think it is grief, but it is. We are hurt and get angry with them because they left and say things we do not really mean because of it. We feel sad because we are left alone again, we also feel jealous of them and whoever they are with because they are happy and we are not. Then when we sit and think of what we have been saying about them we feel guilty for thinking bad things. We wonder what went wrong and could you have done more to make them stay. Then we go around the emotions again, getting angry etc. We go around this circle of emotions labelled grief and it sometimes makes us feel like we will never be happy ever again.
Circle of Habit
Why does it become a circle of habit?
With every situation that causes us to grieve, it can becomes a circle of habit that you and only you can get out of. We have the choice to stop going around in circles but at times we become so used to behaving in this way it gives us some sort of comfort. It becomes our 'Comfort Zone'. We feel safe in a way because we feel it gives us some sort of identity. 'I am grieving' becomes a label for you that gets you noticed. You can go on to groups on social network sites and say 'I am grieving because....' and people will respond to you in positive ways, giving you some comfort and a sense of purpose. However, this can become a burden for you and those around you. You want more but feel you cannot get out of the circle when really it is you keeping you in the circle. It is really quite easy to get out of the circle of habit.
Getting out of that circle of habit
You will be amazed at how easy and yet how difficult it is to get out of the circle of habit. Because you have made it a comfort zone, it is scary to come out of it and it is this that keeps you there. Fear has a lot to answer for. We become afraid that if we come out of our grieving comfort zone then we will lose our identity that we have created for ourselves. This is just not true. We create a new and better identity for ourselves when we come out of our comfort zones. We become a brave and strong and amazing. Remember that as you come out of your comfort zones yourself.
How to step out of the habit
Acceptance
This is the key to getting out of the habit. Once you can accept that the person you were grieving for has gone and there is nothing you can do to change that. You can move on and step out of your comfort zone. It is as easy as that. Accept that the change was inevitable and do not let fear stand in your way.
You can also realise that you are not alone in your feelings and that many others feel the same way. There are many social networking groups that can help you. Also there are many books you can read to help as well
Eckhart Tolle is a brilliant author and his books have changes peoples lives for the better
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Eckhart-Tolle/107655949264372?ref=ts&fref=ts
Let Go and Release
Life is hard, but it is our fears that make it hard for us. Let go and release the fears and life does become easier. This does not mean that the person you were grieving for means nothing to you. Or that you forget them. Obviously you will never forget them, they will live in your heart forever. It just means that you can release the grief that has become everything to you, has kept you in a false sense of security and start moving forward with them closer in your heart than ever.
You are not letting go and releasing your loved one, just the fear that has kept you going around in circles of habit for too long. I know what you are saying to yourself, yes easy to say but very hard to do. But think of it this way, what is actually making it hard to do? Fear. This is yet another circle to get out of. Think positive and face your fears. Make this your purpose is life and you will be Brave, Strong and Amazing. You will be YOU again.
Everyone has lost someone special in their lives at some point. Whether it is through someone close dying or someone you love moving on with their lives and leaving you. The feelings that come are caused by grief.
So what is grief?
Grief is many emotions rolled into one. Anger, hurt, sadness, guilt, jealousy and the list goes on.
- Anger - because the person should not have left you
- Hurt - because we miss them
- Sadness - because we will never see them or feel their hugs again
- Guilt - we know we should not be feeling/acting this way towards them
- Jealousy - we look around and everyone else is happy
Death can hit us at any time. Whether it is a family member or a friend. They pass away through an accident or an illness. It can happen suddenly or over a length of time which you see them suffering and our grieving process starts then as we see them slipping away. We become frustrated because there is nothing we can do for them. We want their suffering to end but we do not want them to leave us. We have all experienced it at some point in our lives. It is such a painful time for all concerned. Then suddenly they are gone and their suffering has ended. In a way you feel relief that they are no longer suffering then you feel guilty for feeling that way.
Accident
When it is through a sudden accident or passing. We hit out at those involved with the accident. Looking for answers as to Why?. Even in the situation where suicide occurs. We question why did they do it? We question everything. Looking for answers, looking for justice. We only have to look at the families of those who lost their lives at Hillsborough in April 1989. Questions asked then are only just being answered. Justice has yet to be seen. The families grieving has continued because of the lies and conspiracy surrounding the tragic event that led to the deaths of 96 Liverpool FC fans.
Illness
When our loved ones pass away through illness, we go through the feelings of sadness which can lead to depression. We also become angry with the person who has left us or with the medical profession for not doing enough/ giving up on our family member or even with 'God' for taking them away from us. This is because we feel pain and hurt so we hit out at those who we feel has caused this hurt. Then we feel guilty for saying things and behaving in this way and we look back and think, 'I should have done more for her/him/them.' We look around at everyone around us and only see that they are happy, they still have their loved ones with them so you feel jealous a little. Then we go back to feeling sad and hurt, anger and guilt. It is like we are going around in circles which makes us feel more depressed and we can no longer see us ever being happy again.
Divorce/ Split from partner
When someone we love leaves us and moves on with their lives we feel the same emotions but because the person is still living we do not think it is grief, but it is. We are hurt and get angry with them because they left and say things we do not really mean because of it. We feel sad because we are left alone again, we also feel jealous of them and whoever they are with because they are happy and we are not. Then when we sit and think of what we have been saying about them we feel guilty for thinking bad things. We wonder what went wrong and could you have done more to make them stay. Then we go around the emotions again, getting angry etc. We go around this circle of emotions labelled grief and it sometimes makes us feel like we will never be happy ever again.
Circle of Habit
Why does it become a circle of habit?
With every situation that causes us to grieve, it can becomes a circle of habit that you and only you can get out of. We have the choice to stop going around in circles but at times we become so used to behaving in this way it gives us some sort of comfort. It becomes our 'Comfort Zone'. We feel safe in a way because we feel it gives us some sort of identity. 'I am grieving' becomes a label for you that gets you noticed. You can go on to groups on social network sites and say 'I am grieving because....' and people will respond to you in positive ways, giving you some comfort and a sense of purpose. However, this can become a burden for you and those around you. You want more but feel you cannot get out of the circle when really it is you keeping you in the circle. It is really quite easy to get out of the circle of habit.
Getting out of that circle of habit
You will be amazed at how easy and yet how difficult it is to get out of the circle of habit. Because you have made it a comfort zone, it is scary to come out of it and it is this that keeps you there. Fear has a lot to answer for. We become afraid that if we come out of our grieving comfort zone then we will lose our identity that we have created for ourselves. This is just not true. We create a new and better identity for ourselves when we come out of our comfort zones. We become a brave and strong and amazing. Remember that as you come out of your comfort zones yourself.
How to step out of the habit
Acceptance
This is the key to getting out of the habit. Once you can accept that the person you were grieving for has gone and there is nothing you can do to change that. You can move on and step out of your comfort zone. It is as easy as that. Accept that the change was inevitable and do not let fear stand in your way.
You can also realise that you are not alone in your feelings and that many others feel the same way. There are many social networking groups that can help you. Also there are many books you can read to help as well
Eckhart Tolle is a brilliant author and his books have changes peoples lives for the better
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Eckhart-Tolle/107655949264372?ref=ts&fref=ts
Let Go and Release
Life is hard, but it is our fears that make it hard for us. Let go and release the fears and life does become easier. This does not mean that the person you were grieving for means nothing to you. Or that you forget them. Obviously you will never forget them, they will live in your heart forever. It just means that you can release the grief that has become everything to you, has kept you in a false sense of security and start moving forward with them closer in your heart than ever.
You are not letting go and releasing your loved one, just the fear that has kept you going around in circles of habit for too long. I know what you are saying to yourself, yes easy to say but very hard to do. But think of it this way, what is actually making it hard to do? Fear. This is yet another circle to get out of. Think positive and face your fears. Make this your purpose is life and you will be Brave, Strong and Amazing. You will be YOU again.
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